This will be on the final...

Say you sashay in to work wearing another one of your exciting thrift store finds. The problem with vintage is the threads may be weak, and sometimes hems fall out, seams rip, or buttons fall off. Luckily, every office (or home) has one of these:


Simply staple fabric together, and viola! Good as new! I also use this technique to hem pants and skirts that I may have chopped off or even brand spanking new items that were made for amazons and not lil shorties like myself. It's much faster than needle and thread, and easier to modify as well.

Stay tuned for more helpful household hints....

Since my last post I have:

Been hired twice, quit once.

Realized people that work with children are insane and that I never want to do it again.

Got a great job right in the middle of a park that houses a golf course, art museum, zoo, and the little art school where I work. (Maybe I will contact that park ranger blogger?)

Gotten rid of one useless boy.

Acquired a drum set.

Adopted a cat.

Thrown a giant party with a moon bounce.

Turned my entire spare room into a closet.

Gotten a DVD player.

Become a MAC user.

Did I forget anything?

Details on above events forthcoming.

// posted by Formerly known as crackhead @ 8:24 AM 11 comments

Folks are complaining that I haven't been updating my blog. Now that I'm unemployed I don't have as much time to waste on the computer. This is b/c I do not have a computer at my house. Why? B/c all I would do is shop for vintage Betsey Johnson items to cram into my already packed closet. One time Sparky, Sylow, Miss Kate & RVP helped me move out of my apartment and were in shock & awe over my clothing archive. Very impressive, eh? By the way, I have two vintage Betsey frocks with tutus on them if anyone needs one. One size fits all!

Here's the scoop on the ER bill. So far I have only seen invoices for $1,116. This seems mighty low, considering I went to the ER in 1995 and all they gave me was a couple fifty cent bags of saline & it ran me $1,900. I know the cost of healthcare isn't going down. (Apparently Wal-Mart hasn't figured out how to import healthcare from China yet.)

Question of the day: Why does it take so much longer to fill a librarian position at a university than it does to replace a supreme court justice? Besides the obvious that librarians are that much more important...

That celebrities today are becoming more & more involved in religion and politics. It takes all the guesswork out of who to support and what religion/cult I should join. I'm not going to mention the obvious, or those covered already by Sparky's blog, but here are some worthy celeb causes folks might want to look into:


Healthcare (...everyone is interested in that, right?)


Helping convicted felons become productive citizens

UPDATE: Went to the emergency room & had CT scan. They found nothing unusual, gave me some pain pills & muscle relaxers, and some instructions for my family and friends to bring me back in if I exhibited 'odd' behavior. Also, did not at any time speak to a physician. Cannot wait to see how much my consultation w/ invisible Dr. will be on my bill. Any guesses? I say $500.

So last night at rugby practice I got flattened by this little pygmy. She's about 5 feet tall, but I felt like I'd gotten hit by a mack truck. And I know what everyone is thinking...'Why in God's name would a 5'4 1/2" 105lb crackhead think they could play rugby without getting hurt!!' I'm sure that statement explains the moniker. Anyway, when my head hit the groud it cracked louder than thunder and I totally had an out of body experience. My whole body was tingling in circular waves. So, I went to the health center on campus and they insisted I go to the ER and get a CT scan. The thought of sitting in the ER & waiting for a CT scan made my headache subside quite a bit. In fact, I think I'm OK. Except for that mild concussion...

Apparently there's this great trick so that you don't have to wash your hair everyday. I'm not sure why I was the last to find out about it since I hang out with just hoards of scenesters & hipsters & none of them wash their hair daily. The trick is, you put baby powder/corn starch/talc in your hair & it takes away the greasy look. Ever since I got bangs I've had to wash my hair every morning b/c they always look gross & greasy. Sometimes this is not always convenient. I may want to run some errands, go running or to rugby practice, THEN wash my hair. Or what if I just want to run to Mapco for some eggs or a newspaper? But now I have this great trick that will allow me to sashay around town w/ unwashed hair. I think I'm going to forego hair washing & just keep piling on the powder. Eventually I bet my head will just look like a giant cake!!!